Corpse Grinders 3 (2012)

Lotus Cat Food is Under New Management…

Cover image for 2012's Corpse Grinders 3

The Gran Grizzly Cat Food Company in the small Spanish village of Villa Catalina is struggling to keep the doors open, until a mobbed-up company from the United States buys them out and changes the name to Lotus Cat Food. Suddenly the product starts selling like hot cakes—but not until after two bumbling factory workers accidentally discover the benefits of using dead bodies as their secret ingredient.

The original CORPSE GRINDERS was a fun, cheap horror film about a pair of unscrupulous businessmen who use human corpses in their cat food. CORPSE GRINDERS 2 was a less fun, cheap horror film about a pair of unscrupulous businessmen who use human corpses in their cat food—plus, aliens. CORPSE GRINDERS 3 is a less-fun, less-cheap horror film about unscrupulous businessmen who use human corpses in their cat food—set in Spain, and with something of a monster movie touch. Strange, unamusing, and terribly redundant, CORPSE GRINDERS 3 is the second supposed-sequel to a minor cult classic that simply rehashes the plot of the first and tosses in a single new idea to make it feel fresh. It doesn’t work. Not. At. All.

Other than the Lotus brand, and the obvious similarities in plot, there’s absolutely nothing that ties this entry to the previous outings. At least in CORPSE GRINDERS 2, they had made our leads the nephews of the original characters. Here, there’s no mention of any of them, the company is mysteriously now owned by the mafia without explanation, and yet the simpletons Bill and Ted (yes, that’s their names) just coincidentally stumble upon the fact that cats love the taste of dead human flesh. It’s not baffling that they managed to squeak three films out of this franchise; what is baffling is that they’ve merely remade the same film each time and tacked a different number onto the title.

The employees of the Lotus Cat Food Company from 2012's Corpse Grinders 3

At least CORPSE GRINDERS 3 looks better than its predecessors. There’s a little more money and a little more experience behind it, and technology has improved by leaps and bounds. That’s probably the best thing that I can say about it, however. The rest of the film is pretty much a waste—and a truly bizarre one at that.

Unlike the previous two films, CORPSE GRINDERS 3 was not written and directed by the notorious Ted V. Mikels. Instead, he took an executive producer role and passed the buck onto Marc Gras (writer) and Manolito Motosierra (writer, director), Spanish filmmakers with only a handful of credits between them. I suppose this project makes Mikels an international filmmaker, as the bulk of it was actually shot on location in Spain.

Shoppers buying Lotus Cat Food from Corpse Grinders 3

Unfortunately, it seems as if just about the entire cast speaks Spanish exclusively—which wouldn’t be a problem, if this weren’t an English language film. I would venture to guess that many of the actors memorized the script phonetically, resulting in some of the most awkwardly delivered dialogue imaginable (“We can’t stop now to keep producing!”) which tends to trail off into garbled gibberish. There are entire lines rendered incomprehensible, and yet nobody thought to ask for a reshoot.

That’s the Mikels magic at work.

This one is practically unwatchable, and I wouldn’t have even bothered to write it up here if I weren’t a fan of the original. Whether you liked the first film or not, you may as well keep walking. There’s nothing to see here.


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